Issues Etc. Oldie But Goodie

In honor of Issues Etc. (R.I.P.) -- one of Horn+Swoggled's greatest hits.

Issues Etc. Cancelled - Scandal Blamed

An anti-Semitism scandal has resulted in the cancellation of a Lutheran radio program in St. Louis. Officials with the Lutheran Church-Missouri Synod, which governs radio station KFUO, cited the anti-Semitism in cancelling the popular program "Issues, Etc."

"St. Paul made it clear that the cross is a scandal to the Jews," synodical officials said in a written statement. "And yet (host) Todd Wilken and (producer) Jeff Schwarz have insisted on making their program 'Christ-centered and cross-focused.'

"In a metropolitan area like St. Louis, with a large Jewish population, we have decided it's best to pull the show off the air. Even though we are a largely Gentile synod, it would be folly for us to allow such insensitivity to continue."

Build-a-Jesus Coming to a Mall Near You

Inspired by the success of the Build-a-Bear chain, a Christian businessman in Atlanta has gathered investors to build a string of retail outlets he calls "Build-a-Jesus." Mike Armstrong, 37, said he is catering to a culture that does not want to be tied down to a single conception of Jesus.

"Jesus is a lot of things to a lot of people," he said. "I want to recognize that reality and encourage people to grow in their faith by finding a Jesus that's customized to their needs."

The Build-a-Jesus stores will allow customers to choose from one of several toy Jesus dolls -- from baby Jesus to glorified Jesus. Customers will be able to dress their Jesus in clothing that makes him more relevant to their lives. Available outfits will turn Jesus into a soccer player, a construction worker, a schoolteacher, and dozens of other characters. Armstrong hopes merchandising tie-ins eventually allow him to dress Jesus as popular characters like Harry Potter and Indiana Jones.

One thing you won't see at the stores is Jesus on the cross. Armstrong says it just wouldn't fit with the kind of message he's trying to send to the world.

"God is the sovereign Lord of the universe. He can be all things to all people," Armstrong said. "We don't want to keep stuffing Jesus back into the same old box where he's been for 2,000 years."

Pastor discovers sin "too serious" to preach about

Saying a recent Bible study has opened his eyes to the seriousness of sin, a Philadelphia pastor has decided to stop preaching about it. Pastor Ray Phelps of Searching Souls Church said his study of Romans has given him a newfound appreciation for just how completely mankind is cut off from God.

"When I really looked at what Paul was saying, I realized we're so far gone that we don't even know we're sinful," Phelps said. "It was a real eye-opener.

"My job is to connect with the felt needs of all those lost souls, so I've got to stop talking about something that's not even on their radar."

Effective immediately, Phelps said he would drop talk about sin, in favor of more relevant references to personal relationships and finances.

"People know they've got screwed-up bank accounts and screwed-up marriages," he said. "They don't know they're screwed before God, so if we want them to come back to our church, we can't waste our time talking about that."

Pastor Apologizes for Easter Sermon to "Shopaholic Seeker"

A self-described "shopaholic seeker" from Orange County, Calif., is warning her friends about a nearby Lutheran church's "false advertising." And her case has already prompted an apology from the church's pastor. Rita Messenger, 47, attended Messiah Lutheran Church on Easter Sunday, after the church took out an ad in the newspaper claiming that "we are all debt-free in Jesus." Messenger, who carries a balance of $23,000 on various credit cards, said that claim is misleading.

"I took a pair of scissors into church that day," said Messenger. "I was prepared to cut debt out of my life once and for all, with a little practical help from the pastor. But all he wanted to talk about was Jesus."

Pastor Jim Russell said he's sorry for the mix-up, but Messenger simply came to church on the wrong Sunday. "51 weeks out of the year, we try to give people solid, practical advice for living," said Russell. "Ms. Messenger just happened to show up on the one day when we've traditionally set the relevant stuff aside.

"I've already talked to our elders about re-examining that policy. After all, Jesus didn't rise from the dead so we could continue living in debt and discomfort."

To make amends, Russell this week offered to lead Messenger and 5 of her friends in a 12-week small-group study on Biblical debt-free living. "I told Ms. Messenger I've learned my lesson," Russell said. "This time, no Jesus talk until we get some of these debt issues squared away."

Battle of the Denominational Stars

Seeking to emulate a past ratings success of the ABC television network, three leading Christian church organizations are planning a new program called "Battle of the Denominational Stars." The program will feature Olympic-style athletic competitions involving well-known leaders of three leading Christian brands: Saddleback, Willow Creek, and Lakewood. It is based on the highly successful "Battle of the Network Stars," which aired on ABC in the late 1970s and early '80s.

The competition will be televised on six successive Sunday mornings at churches associated with the sponsoring organizations. Organizers believe they can increase their attendance, as ABC increased its viewerwhip with the wildly popular specials. All three groups say they will present a series of life lessons, built around the results of the unscripted competition.

"The church of today is about deeds, not creeds," said Rick Warren, who will captain the Saddleback team. "My next deed is going to be kicking Joel Osteen's ass on the touch football field."

Howard Cosell hosted the original show, featuring TV luminaries like Gabe Kaplan, Karen Grassle and Adrienne Barbeau. For the new version, longtime Christian radio host James Dobson has signed on as host. "In my book, 'Bringing Up Boys,' I taught parents how to traverse the obstacle course of parenting," said Dobson. "It'll be fun to sit back and see how (Willow Creek founder) Bill Hybels handles an obstacle course when he's got Victoria Osteen breathing down his neck."

Lakewood Pastor Joel Osteen said he just intends to stay positive throughout the competition. "I believe we're going to win this thing," said Osteen. "I'm speaking positive words because I have faith that the Lakewood team will be living the victorious Christian life when all is said and done."

Hybels expressed little worry that Willow Creek will finish ahead of Saddleback in the competition. "Warren has always fancied himself a bit of a Scott Baio type," said Hybels. "But we've worked out together. Athletically, he's more like Erin Moran."

Betty Butterfield & the Unitarians

In honor of the new Unitarian member-ambivalence campaign, here is Betty Butterfield's recap of her visit to the Unitarians.